So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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