super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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