i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize