oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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