My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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