just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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