I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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