The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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