you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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