there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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