Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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