there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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