Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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