If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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