I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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