you traded sex for a burrito?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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