My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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