I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize