dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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