when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize