Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize