woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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