I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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