we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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