Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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