ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize