My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize