Just mADE A PArabola og urine
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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