I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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