i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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