I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize