WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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