just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize