It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize