Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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