Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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