If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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