Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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