I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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