we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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