Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize