I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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