the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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