i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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