So drunk its hurt
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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