i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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