Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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