You smell like stripper and shame
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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