There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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