guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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