it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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