Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize