the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize