Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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